The Second Baby B -- Breastfeeding vs. Nursing

The second Baby B of AP is breastfeeding.

Sometimes I feel like my life revolves around it. But I love it. It's more than love actually. I am attached to it. The day my son weans will be a very tough day for me, emotionally.

I prefer to call it "nursing" instead of "breastfeeding." This is because I see it as so much more than giving my child calories. I am giving him warmth, closeness and comfort. I also see it as giving him love and sacrifice, because I am continuing to use my body for his purposes instead of my own.

I know that it is more than feeding because when I get home in the evenings (I work three days a week), he almost always wants to nurse, even when he just finished a bottle. Sometimes these are complete nursing sessions, with him draining my milk on both sides because he is hungry, but most of the time he just lightly sucks (not even hard enough to elicit a let-down) for a few minutes and then he is good to go. It's like his way of saying, "HI! I missed you and I'm so glad you're back." The first time I really noticed this was when he was about 7 or 8 weeks old. I had been going to work part-time for about 3 weeks. Husband was home with him all day and when I got home he had just finished a bottle about 20 minutes prior. I didn't nurse him because I figured he was full, but he kept sucking on his fingers and making his "hungry" grunting noise. I was baffled. I did other things to try and comfort him and he started crying. So I nursed. As soon as he latched I could see him physically relax. This child who could drain a breast in 10 minutes at that age (about 5 now...) laid in my lap for about 45 minutes with his eyelids fluttering, happily sucking away. I never had a let-down during that entire time, and he very rarely swallowed. But he was satisfied and comforted. It was also the first time I realized he missed me while I was gone...but working-mom guilt is another topic completely!

I would definitely call myself a proponent of breastfeeding. We all know breast milk has what I consider to be magical properties. I think I have mentioned before my son's pediatrician calling it "Liquid Gold." It boosts his immune system, makes him healthy...we all know the benefits. But I am an even bigger proponent of nursing. Breastfeeding does not necessarily form bonds and promote attachment. Nursing forms bonds and promotes attachment. If you take away the part where the baby is eating, you see the behaviors that do so. Holding baby close, skin-to-skin contact, eye contact, the sucking motion that is so soothing for babies. On-demand nursing has been important as well. When he got his first shot, he immediately nursed and was comforted. When he wakes up at night (yes, still at 9 months...) in the dark and is scared, he nurses and feels comfortable enough to go back to sleep. When we reunite after being separated for any period of time (even just an hour while he naps), he nurses and we reconnect. I can physically feel my love for my son and the closeness we share when I nurse. In my experience, nursing has been an essential part of attachment parenting.

Because I believe that nursing has many more functions than feeding, I don't plan on weaning. As long as my son wants to nurse, he is more than welcome to. I know it is not conventional but I really don't care. Attachment parenting itself is unconventional in our society (which I think is unfortunate). If I get pregnant again while he is still nursing, I may need to revisit this idea, but for now, this is the plan.

I understand that breastfeeding/nursing is a personal decision and I completely respect those moms who choose not to. I also understand that not everyone is successful...not all babies latch, not all moms have sufficient milk production, and some mom-baby pairs don't get the hang of it in time for the milk supply to be adequate. I do think you can form a bond and a secure attachment while feeding your child formula, as long as you are attuned and responsive to your baby. But for my son and me, nursing is a wonderful experience that fosters our bond.

I won't pretend it is perfect or that I want to do it all the time. I recently thought about night-weaning my son because he typically does not sleep for longer than 3-4 hours at a time, and during a sleep regression is sleeping 1-2 hours at a time. After receiving a lot of support from fellow moms I was reminded that I am night-nursing, not night-feeding. Nursing/breastfeeding support is so important. Everyone needs it for different reasons. On my most exhausted days, I happen to need reminding that bonding with and comforting my child through nursing is more important than seeing him sleep through the night. In fact, writing this post has been very therapeutic for me and really reminded me of why I parent at night the way I do.

Lastly, I wanted to share this blog I ran across today. I absolutely love this entry. It brought tears to my eyes and also reminded me of the importance of night-nursing to our dyad. It is called "I am not a human pacifier," and it talks about how comfort nursing is totally different than sucking on a pacifier.